Tuesday Ten

I have a house full of STUFF. So much stuff, that if I don't periodically weed things out, they jump out in full Oscar fashion and make the Felix in me have a breakdown. So, while I could go on forever about the things I *do* have, this is about the Ten Things I'd Never Own...

1. A minivan. Okay, I've just offended about half the people reading this. Sorry, I am totally, 100% a mom, but I cannot and will not do the mini van thing. Besides, I can hop over the mongo curb at CCD and skip all the exit traffic and not have one iota of damage to my vehicle. Nanny nanny weiner ;o)

2. A McMansion. More than half the people in my town have them. I don't want one. I want a farm house (or at least a 4 bedroom cape) with loads of property. Besides, we'd never "fit" into a McMansion development with our trailer and Harley and quads.

3. A Honda Civic. Or similar small death trap. I dunno, everytime I get behind one of them doing UNDER the speed limit, I just can't help but think "no freaking wonder why you get such good gas mileage. You are simply incapable of going fast".

4. An itty bitty yappy dog. Complete with monogrammed sweaters and bejeweled collar. Please. It would never keep up with me on a run, or kill squirrels in the neighor's house, or have some freaky bond thing with a giant buck in the neighbor's yard. I'll take my 100 pound Diesel pup any day.

5. A Jeep. Not because I don't want one (I desperately do), but because my husband doesn't want one. Grrrrr.

6. Body piercings. I can tolerate a belly ring - they actually are cute on young girls with flat stomachs. But the whole nose/tongue/nipple (and other unmentionable areas).... ick. no thanks.

7. High heel flip flops. Please. What's the point? So you can topple over in the sand?

8. Crystal studded chandeliers. I just can't picture one in my house. Ever.

9. Golf clubs. Sorry Julie, I stole that one from you. ;o) I have so many sports-related things. Soccer balls, baseball gloves, road bikes, swim gear. I have ZERO interest in being serious about whacking a golf ball. After a few drinks I'm game, but it is NOT serious.

10. A golf cart. I have a serious case of writer's block tonight. I've ridden in them (who has been to Florida and hasn't ridden in them?). They don't go fast enough for me. Or over rocks. Or through mud. I guess that's why I have a quad, and not a golf cart.